Friday, March 7, 2008

Things I Learned in School

1. How to tell a universally believable lie.
2. How to clean my hands really, really well through the fastidious application of Elmer's glue.
3. How to stay awake by writing in backwards script.
4. How to stay awake by self-administering a slow series of pinches.
5. How to sleep sitting up.
6. How to endure being closely surrounded by people I loathe and who loathe me--all day, every day (this may be the most useful skill yet, especially if I ever end up in prison).
7. How to store vast quantities of information in short-term memory without allowing any of it to seep into the permanent files.
8. How to make a sub cry.
9. How to hold in-well, any bodily fluid--for up to 55 minutes at a time.
10. How to wait years upon years without (much) protest for "real life" to begin.

5 comments:

UCda mama said...

I can't tell you how often I've put to use the wonderful skill of colouring heavy outlines and shading the middle of maps. I was VERY good at it. Unfortunately, what was on the maps connects with your #7, and is completely unretrievable ;-)

Lisa

Gatinha said...

Thanks for the nostalgic moment! With respect to #10, one could conclude that this is proof of #1 unless "protest" and bitching are two completely different things. I wish I had learned #6. I'm still wearing my opinion all over my face. Miss ya lots!

Green Betty said...

Hey, how nice to see both of you over here!

Lisa, I have such a vivid sensory memory of what it felt like to draw maps like that! Like lots of other stuff in school, an urgky mixture of being forced against my will to do something that I also had interest in.

Gatinha, I just found your old Rotary card. Do you have one? If not, I'll send you mine. Miss ya lots too.

Cindy said...

Argh ... are you pissed because I never commented on my cloud?

I loved it, by the way.

Green Betty said...

As if, Cindy! You rock and you know it. In the absence of any comment on the cloud I didn't think... anything, really. But I'm pleased to hear you liked it.